Why I Can’t Watch Girls

(Courtesy HBO)

Julia here.

When all anyone under the age of 35 could talk about was HBO’s debut season of Girls I decided to give it a shot. I was late to the game like I am on most TV shows, but thanks to HBO On Demand I found I could plow through the season quickly enough to still get into the conversation about the cultural phenomenon.

My plan worked pretty well until it came to a grinding halt during episode 4. Honestly, I should have known from the start I was fated to hate the show. Here’s why:

1) Girls reminds me just how irresponsible most twentysomethings living in New York City are.

I’m not perfect by any means. I’ve had my budget problems. I’ve gone out and had too much to drink in the city’s bars. I’ve been in some bad relationships and some so-so ones that I let go on way past their expiration date. I’ve spent the weekend scrounging around my kitchen cupboard for odds and ends because I was too lazy and/or broke to go to the grocery store for real food. However, there’s a big difference between harmless selfishness and the vast fucked up behavior of the majority of the Girls characters.

Hannah, Lena Dunham’s character, is essential a large child. She is sexually immature (don’t hold that against her), self-hates and obsesses over her relationship with the horrible Adam while ignoring all advice from her friends, is incapable of maintaining a professional demeanor even during an interview for a job she desperately needs, and generally stumbles through life like a complete dolt. I’m a long-time reader of romance novels. There is something in the genre called a TSTL heroine — that is a Too Stupid to Live woman who bumbles her way into forehead smackingly dumb situations. That, my friends, is Hannah.

Poor Marnie is beautiful and clueless. She’s stuck in an absurd relationship with a boy (not a man) she doesn’t respect. She even explains at one point that his mere touch skieves her out. She’s also a complete headcase as we find out in the second episode. Jessa doesn’t show up to her own abortion appointment (the one funny moment in the 4 episodes I slogged through), and Marnie turns the whole debacle into a neurotic rant about why she’s destined to be a mother. I was left asking myself, “Who cares?” because there is never any doubt that pretty Marnie is going to make out okay.

Jessa is far and away the one most interesting character in the show. In fact, she is almost redeeming enough make me want to stay with Girls. Almost. Jemima Kirke is both lovely in a true Bohemian way. Jessa has an interesting back story that’s simultaneously mysterious and perhaps a little sinister. She also has the best quote in the episodes I watched — “All adventurous woman do.”

2) I can’t stand the Brooklyn hipster lifestyle.

If I meet you at a party and you tell me that you’ve been working on a book of essays for years, I’m going to ask you what else you do. Yes, I’m crass enough to wonder how you’re making a living while writing the next great American novel. If you tell me you’re a 25-year-old unpaid intern who doesn’t wait tables, I’m going to wonder how your parents feel about footing the bill for your rent, groceries, utilities and “discretionary spending.” If you’re getting an all-expenses paid pass to live in NYC, good for you. That’s incredibly generous of your family. Own it. I could care less if you’re getting help, but please, please, please have something to show for it by the time your parents pull the financial plug.

I have a great deal of respect for Bohemians. There is something beautiful and charming about the idea of living for your art. However, watching self-destructive people waste away their lives while proclaiming that they are really deep, interesting people is of little interest to me. There nothing more boring than a person who has to remind you they are interesting. As far as I can tell, no one on this show except Jessa has anything remotely intriguing about them. Hannah is a train wreck waiting to happen, and Marnie is simply biding her time until… well, I don’t really know what because neither does she.

3) There are too many people I know living this life.

I tried to watch back-to-back episodes of Girls to move my viewing along, but I found the experience completely claustrophobic. I know too many people like these women. The experience of having not nearly enough money in NYC is the story of most twentysomethings’ lives. Why on earth would I want to watch that during my few hours of free time?

I sit in a news station with the TV on 9 hours a day. It is part of my job to have that flat screen next to my desk tuned into something all the time. The last thing I want to do when I come home is watch a dramaedy featuring annoying, adolescent characters complain about how badly they’ve messed up their lives. If I wanted to do that I’d go off to some NYU bar and hang out with the undergrads.

In Conclusion…

I realize that I’ve missed the point of Girls. I appreciate Dunham’s sharp writing. I really, really want to root for this show. I want to say that this bit of HBO programming defines the experience of women in my generation. I want to like it. The problem is, I can’t get past the 4th episode.

I think it’s time that I officially break up with Girls.

Make Your Apartment Smell Like Williams Sonoma

Through the magic of Pinterest, we came across a great tip from Morgan Moore’s blog “One More Moore” on how to make your place smell like the inside of a freaking Williams Sonoma. We tried this immediately and … let’s just say we’re getting high off the scent right now. Well, as high as you can get off of rosemary, lemons and vanilla – which is all you need.

Step one: Cut up an entire lemon. Place the slices in a large pot, filled 2/3 of the way with water.

If life didn’t give your fridge lemons today – GO GET SOME.

Step two: Grab a couple of sprigs of rosemary. We tore them apart a bit and thoughtfully placed them amongst the lemon slices.

Styling stubborn rosemary sprigs proves to be difficult.

Step three: Pour in 1-2 tablespoons of vanilla. (Moore says teaspoons but, um, we love vanilla so we say tablespoons!)

Scentsational. Oh yeah, we went there.

We let it simmer all day and it was amazing. You can even keep your mixture and reuse it for a couple of days. It’s meant to be a spring scent but we love it for the changing of the seasons. We especially love this trick because Sonia has asthma and – while she loves for her place to smell of awesome scents – the store-bought fragrances often irritate her, especially during the fall. This is an all natural way to keep your place smelling great.

Clothes to Cash

On the brink of changing seasons we, Julia and Sonia, would bring out bags full of clothes we were sick of to our living room and commence a clothing swap. Now that we no longer live together, we’ve had to branch out.

Resale shops: Like an extension of your closet.

So we started looking into clothing resale and consignment shops. NYC is filled with them. Yes, there are the Goodwills and Salvation Armies which are basically present-day treasure hunts (but treasures you will find) and the more upscale consignment shops, not to mention, vintage shops.

So if you want to clear out your closet and make a buck (in some cases, literally just a buck) here are the shops that take different types of clothes:

The Plato’s Closet variety: OK, so there is no Plato’s closet in NYC, but there are other lower end resale shops. These guys will buy your stuff on the spot, usually for less than half of what they’d sell them for. Give them about half an hour to assess your clothes’ value, they’ll even let you trade in clothes. They take male and female clothes, but focus mainly on the teen market. Bring in your jeans, tops, dresses and shoes – but make sure they’re trendy. They want the kind of things you’d find in the mall. Beware, though, these guys tend to be overloaded with jeans. Sonia once got $2.80 for a pair of jeans that was originally $60.

Their jean racks runneth over.

The Consignment store: The Upper East Side is littered with these. Consider them pawn shops for your clothes, except you don’t get your money right away. These guys tend to be much pickier. They’re looking for current, brand name, mint condition clothing. Oftentimes, they’ll create an account for you and as soon as your stuff sells, they’ll get you money, taking a sizable cut for themselves of course. Some shops will pay you upfront for luxury brands like Chanel, Louis Vuitton, etc. They will not take clothes that look the slightest bit worn. This is a great place to bring old ball gowns (should you have any ball gown rejects) and fancy dresses that you just can’t bear to wear again.

Thrift stores: When all else fails, and no one will take your clothes but you just want them off your hands, bring them here. You won’t be making any money here, but it feels great to donate to these shops because the proceeds usually go to a good cause. Don’t forget to grab a donation receipt, because not only do you get to clean out your closet by dropping off clothes here, you also get a tax refund for doing it.

Vintage shops: These are a whole different world and very hard to sell to, unless you’ve recently had a stylish older relative pass away. They like hats, jewelry, bags and coats as well as dresses and tops. But accessories are best sellers here, probably because people are less afraid to incorporate vintage styled accessories into their wardrobes.

Flexible Fall Finds

We wanted to bring you some wardrobe staples that we’re really looking forward to this fall. I know, it’s still in the 80s in the city, but we’re so excited about fall clothes that we’re willing to crank up the A/C and walk around our apartments in a trench coat just … to be able to wear it. That being said, we know your budgets are tight, so we picked out these pieces because they’re versatile.

 

Item No. 1: The Dress

Topshop Dress.

This Topshop dress is perfect for work and play. Wear it with a fun statement necklace or something understated. Throw a blazer over it for an important meeting. Tie a boldly printed scarf around your neck and get all Joan-from-Mad-Men on us. And we definitely recommend pairing it with a sexy set of heels for a hot date.

Item No. 2: The Top

Do the denim.

OK, so the denim shirt deal supposedly peaked this summer but, um, hello? It’s NYC. It was too damn hot to walk around faking chicness in a freaking long-sleeved denim shirt. So we believe that the women of Manhattan should band together and keep the look cool for the fall. We love this shirt untucked and belted. Or tucked into khakis. It even works well with dark jeans and dark brown boots. We had to link to a Pin about this look because we didn’t believe it would work ourselves. It does.

Item No. 3: The Trench

Oh, this trench. It’s already sold out on Banana Republic’s website but we want it anyway. Please bring it back, Banana. Please? We love this trench because – firstly – you should already have a khaki trench in your possession. That’s just a rule. But this trench is so versatile and perfect for the fall. It lives up to its name: The Statement Trench. And it’s not too in your face. You can pair it with blacks, browns, and certainly with Item No. 1, the dress.

Item No. 4: The Skirt

Sonia admittedly is in love with this skirt. Like, actually in love. Like, she found herself going onto the Brooks Brothers website multiple times a day to check to see if it was still there and then finally realized she should buy it. (It’s on sale!) But this skirt truly transcends seasons. Yeah, BB played it up to be kind of spring-y, but it’s perfect for the fall, a great contrast to those dreary, dark sweaters you’ll wear. We love that the material is a bit heavier than most skirts, and can weather (har har) a good breeze without reliving The Seven Year Itch. Did we mention that it’s on sale?

The Quest for Great Mexican Food

The tacos at El Aguila — the best we’ve found so far (Courtesy El Aguila)

“I know this great Mexican place down on 57th–”

Stop. Stop now.

That’s about as far as a conversation gets with the two of us when it comes to Mexican food in New York City.

Look. We’re from Los Angeles and Texas, both meccas of Mexican food.  Sonia knows her Tex Mex.  Julia knows her Southern California style Mexican food.  NYC is great for a lot of things.  Mexican food ain’t one of them.

Before everyone starts firing off angry comments and emails to us telling us that we’ve got it all wrong, let’s explain.  You can get Mexican food in NYC.  You can even get good chichi gourmet Mexican at Rosa Mexicano, Mole, or Cascabel.  What you cannot get is great hole in the wall, home-cooked style Mexican food.  We’re talking tortilla chips so fresh they bleed grease, enchiladas verdes with that tart tomatillo sauce that’s so fresh it puckers your mouth, and real queso fresco. No one makes your guacamole next to your table in these restaurants. You know why? Because they’re too busy making great food to put on a show.

Where we come from there isn’t a scrap of American cheese or mozzarella in sight.  Chicken tortilla soup isn’t blended so you can actually see the chopped up ancho chilies staining the broth with red oil.  No, you can’t have brown rice because the kitchen doesn’t stock it.  And know this. The number one rule is that the beans are always refried — not black beans.  If you don’t like it, tough.

The closest we’ve come to proper Mexican food in the City is actually street food.  There’s a little 24 hour taqueria in Spanish Harlem called El Aguila.*  It’s on the corner of 103rd and Lex (there’s a sister location at 116th and Lex too).  If you want the real deal braised meats including beef tongue and Mexican goat wrapped up in two warm soft tacos, go there.  It’s messy, it’s spicy, and it’s absolutely delicious.  And trust us, get your tacos todo.

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*We are genuinely shocked to find this restaurant has a website. It’s such a hole in the wall, you almost don’t want to share it with the interwebs.

When Bad Haircuts Happen to Good People

Oh boy.

This is a lesson that Sonia has preached time and time again but has, apparently, not learned herself: Do not get your hair cut at a beauty school if you’re not willing to live with the results.

But bad haircuts can happen at a beauty school or a fancy salon, so here are some things to keep and mind before a hair cut … and after a bad one.

Avoid Butchering your hair

Bring a visual aide. If you have a picture of a hair cut – whether its from a friend’s Facebook page, or the pages of US Weekly – bring it in. You’d be suprised how many times there have been miscommunication happens between clients and stylists.

Test the waters with a new stylist. Did you just move or need to find a new hair dresser? Go easy on them. Go to them first for a trim and see how you end up. Once they get to know your hair, then you can try to change it up.

Don’t be afraid to pay more. Is paying $50 less for a hair cut really worth it to you if it means your hair gets butchered? Most likely: No. So save up and spring for quality. Maybe this means you’ll get your hair cut less, but at least you won’t walk out with a mullet. Unless, that’s what you wanted …

Pay attention. We can’t tell you how many times we’ve chatted it up with stylists, only to realize they were taking off way more than we wanted. Don’t distract them, and make sure you’re getting what you want.

What to do if Your Hair is Destroyed

Remain calm. This is the most important thing to remember. You’re not a mannequin. Your hair will grow back. If you lose it in the salon, you really only make yourself look bad. Calmly tell the stylist (or his or her superior) that you are displeased. You’d be surprised at how often a quick fix can be made by an expert when your hair is dry.

Let it all grow out. Not what you want to hear, we know. But take your vitamins, do some hot oil treatments, and eat lots of veggies like carrots. Sonia is a big fan of Organic Root Stimulator products, which she swears make her hair grow like weeds.

Dress up your locks. Now is probably a good time to become a fan of headbands, clips, barrettes and putting your hair up (if you still can.) Here are looks we love:

How bad is it? If it’s really bad, try some clip in hair, like Jessica Simpson Hairdo. Did you know they even have clip on bangs? It’s like a clip on tie, for girls.

Kate Spade shows us a bunch of ways to wear a scarf … including as a headband. We prefer this to those stiff headbands which are usually uncomfortable.

Use your Post Traumatic Tress Disorder as an excuse to splurge on fun hair pins, like these from Anthropologie.

Barrettes: a great way to hide bangs-gone-wrong.

Direct to Your Door

Food with Love will deliver gourmet samples to your door every month. Tasty!

We’re big fans of pretty much anything that can be prepackaged and delivered to our doors.  Netflix revolutionized the movie rental market.  FreshDirect made it so we never needed to leave our apartments to get groceries again.*

That’s why we’re ridiculously excited to discover Blissmo and Love with Food.  Both programs work along the same lines.  Pay a small amount of money and a box of gourmet food samples shows up at your door a little while later.  If you like any of the products it’s easy to order full sizes of them on the company’s website.

Julia’s planning to test out Love with Food because she can justify the $12 package since the company donates a meal to food banks for every one sold.

Life just got a little tastier!

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*Word’s still out on whether this is a good thing or not.